Shifting Gears: How to See Self-Care as Essential, Not Indulgent

The definition of “mother” could easily be “caregiver”.

Your role as mother encompasses not only providing for your children’s basic needs, but taking care of their mental, emotional and physical well being. As well as, maintaining their schedules, sign ups, school work, extracurriculars and sports, all while fostering well-rounded individuals.

But the demands rarely stop there. Many mothers also serve as caregivers for their spouses, juggling their needs and busy schedules. This can involve everything from emotional support to managing household tasks and appointments.

The circle of care can extend even further, with some mothers supporting aging parents or even living with them to provide 24/7 assistance.

And amidst all this, mothers find the strength to nurture their friendships and relationships and show immense care for their friends and loved ones. 

Mothers excel at nurturing others, but prioritizing their own well-being is often neglected.

You are so used to taking care of everyone else that you feel guilty when you prioritize yourself.   

Even a simple coffee break with friends can trigger "mom guilt." After pouring your energy into everyone else, prioritizing yourself can evoke a pang of undeserved guilt.

But why?  What causes you to feel mom guilt when prioritizing yourself?

Maybe it is societal expectations that often portray mothers as selfless martyrs, sacrificing their own needs for their family. Or possibly, some mothers might have grown up with caregivers who neglected their own needs, leading to a subconscious belief that self-care is wrong.

You may have special needs children or a child who requires extra attention that causes you to view other moms who take time for themselves as selfish, because of how essential your care is, all hours of the day. 

Internalizing this belief makes you feel like a horrible mother every time you take 5 minutes for yourself.  This conviction couldn’t be further from the truth.  Engaging in self care isn’t selfish; it actually empowers you to be a happier, more present mom.

These feelings are often deeply ingrained that make prioritizing yourself seem unnatural. So how exactly do we change our ideals and these deep rooted beliefs?  

I am going to tell you how.  

You actually already excel at self-care, you just don’t realize it yet.  

Self-care is merely being a caregiver to yourself.  

When it comes to nurturing and empowering your children, you're a pro. Their well-being and growth thrive under your care. You are amazing at caregiving.  It is innately inside of you.  

Since you are a master caregiver, simply extend that same love and care towards yourself.

Think of yourself as another child you are nurturing.  

What values do you hold as important when it comes to your children?  

You likely prioritize fostering a well-rounded life for your children. This might involve ensuring they receive a quality education (learning), eat nutritious foods, socialize and have quality friendships, get enough sleep, participate in physical activities, and prioritize their emotional and mental well-being. 

Shift your perspective: Self-care isn't selfish, it's essential for you to be an amazing mother and the best version of yourself.  You deserve to be taken care of, just like everyone else in your life.

Taking care of yourself isn't separate from caring for your family, it's part of the same journey. When you're well-rested and fulfilled, you can be a more present and loving mom.